health

Goodbye, Year of Exploration. Hello, Year of Ambition.

For the last three years, I’ve rejected the idea of explicit resolutions and instead made a habit of declaring a single word to embody each new year. There was the year of discovery (2012), the year of dedication (2013), and even the year of exploration (2014). Each year lived up to its name, albeit sometimes in surprising ways that pushed me to my limits and then a bit beyond.

In 2012, I discovered who I was away from my friends, outside of my hometown, and apart from everything that I’d always thought was certain, as well as who I was when I came back. In 2013, I dedicated myself to whatever felt important, including finishing my bachelors degree in English and refining my art. And, in 2014, I explored whatever struck my fancy, even as that led me to travel from coast to coast for months on end and begin a master’s degree in criminal justice. No two years were the same, yet no year was more or less enthralling than any other.

All of that being said, 2014 was pretty intriguing. I spent three months in California, Oregon, and Washington. Then I spent three months in Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina. That’s not to mention all the states and shores I visited on the way to and from those places. I turned 21 and wasted my newest privilege by drinking a pitifully small volume of alcohol (say “no” to big kablue-nas). I began graduate school and discovered that sometimes the student teaches the professor. I baked foods and treats I couldn’t even pronounce and used ingredients I’d never heard of before.

In short, I explored.

Now it’s time to put all of that behind me, to close the door on 2014’s wild exploration, and step into the year 2015, which already seems daunting and intoxicating.

Over the next 365 days, I’ll be traveling back to South Carolina, the state I know only through my family tree.  I’ll be completing my Masters of Criminal Justice degree, complete with nerve-wracking comprehensive exams. I’ll be leaving my friends and the only place I have ever truly regarded as “home.” I’ll be taking control of my health and defying my genetics. I’ll be taking important steps in my personal and professional lives, striving to achieve success through desire and determination.

All in all, 2015 can and will be nothing less than wild and engrossing, fast-paced and sublime. Thus, in the same vein of thought, I’ve decided to call 2015 the year of ambition. I chose the word ambition to embody or headline this year mostly because I have a strong desire to achieve multiple things this year. I have an end-game in mind and nothing will stop me from reaching it. In addition, I’ve come to realize that being ambitious is just in my nature and that is something to use to my advantage, to accept as a benefit. So, this year will be a journey in accepting ambition as a facet of my nature.

Keeping with tradition, as I jumpstart the New Year, I won’t write down any particular resolutions because, well, it just feels awful when a perfectly composed resolution isn’t fulfilled precisely as it was written. I prefer to stick with matters of certainty, like the inevitable graduation and move, and variety, like the generality of being ambitious in all my endeavors. Along the way, I simply hope that at least 15 marvelous things will happen.

Here’s to a year of purpose and cheers to everyone reading this. I hope that you find precisely what you are looking for in the exciting days ahead. Happy New Year!

Our Bodies Are War Zones.

Every rise of a lip.

Every crossing of arms.

Every twitch of an eyebrow.

Every small head shake or nod.

Every creak and crack of aching joints.

Every clenching of teeth, scrunching of nose, and tensing of shoulders.

Every human body is a war zone, quickly destroyed and speedily rebuilt. Immeasurably changed and yet the same. Speaking volumes yet somehow unyielding.

Each movement of every day leaves its mark.

A person might survive a war, but their body will always hold the signs of the past.

The faint scar above the lip and slightly uneven rising of eyebrows. That off-kilter step interrupting the usual pace and automatic tensing at certain sounds or times. Those lines and creases extending from the eyes, highlighting the tired grey that tints the eyelids. Clues remain even with the passing of time.

However, more concerning than the war that is forever marked, is the war that was never seen.

A bright smile betrays pain.

A quick laugh covers sadness.

A soft sigh conceals worry and fear.

Offense or crime without evidence or proof is a true horror.

Our bodies are our temples, and we cannot help but abuse them. Life abuses us, regardless of whether or not it shows.

We can protect and cover, nurture and strengthen, yet that in itself is part of our war.

Our bodies are works of art, and we have so little to do with their sculpting. Life shapes us, forming us in ways that we may not even notice.

We can hope and try, pray and push, yet that in itself is part of our war.

We are all at war.

Our bodies are our records.

Do not forget to notice that which stares right back at you in the mirror.

Appreciate your own story.

Appreciate the story of others.

I can feel revolution in my bones and see it in my skin.

Can you?